The VERY REASON people get stuck in the system

I got a job. I finally got a job. I went to two days of orientation. Not the job I wanted, but money coming in right?

No.

I am going to lose this job, without ever being on the schedule.

I have applied for day care assistance. Without it, I cannot afford to pay for day care. It should have already been approved. It hasn't.

Now I will be losing my job because I do not have anyone to watch the little one. Without me working, there isn't enough money coming in, and without enough money coming in, I have to rely on even more assistance.

I am going up the street and apply for a night shift at a convience store. At least someone will be here at night for the little one. I will have to nap when he naps, if he naps. I will not get to see my family, for they will be leaving for their day when I get home, and I will be leaving for mine when they get home. That is, if they hire me.

Feeling Ungrateful

I created this blog to vent my feelings. To say what I felt and try to determine "normal" feelings from bi-polar feelings. I have left it alone for awhile, for it just seemed like I was whining.

Today, I need to vent.


We came to Texas. We finally got here, after wanting to for seven years. We knew it wouldn't be easy. We are in the city we always wanted to be in.

It didn't take long to find employment here. Two weeks. We are both working. We are also all four living in the 5th wheel.

We are completely out of money, receiving assistance from the government because of our own irresponisiblities.

Yes, this could have been prevented. So I really have no reason to be upset. Here it goes anyway.......

I was hired to take care of the elderly, which I have many years of experience. I took the job, even though it is HALF the pay I was getting in Colorado, because I need the job. HALF the pay. I go to work for orientation today, and find out I will be paid on a debit card. A DEBIT CARD that I will be charged ATM fees for getting cash to pay my bills.

Now, daycare. I have applied for assistance, but red tape has delayed the process. The county gave me two choices for daycare, one which has really bad reviews. The second place isn't calling me back. So, my little one is at the moment at my MIL. Until I find daycare, which should have been yesterday, or today, or tomorrow, but I can't because I have to work. At a job where I will get paid just enough to afford daycare and gas to go back and forth to work.

I have been doing nothing but spending all my spare time begging with creditors to give us more time. I have spent endless hours on the internet and knocking on doors for something, anything, that will pay just a little more.

And yes, the Old Man is working too, but he was told today, his first day, that he needs $2500.00 worth of new tools, but don't worry, we will take that out of your paycheck, the first one being a MONTH from now.

I know, I have a job. I should be grateful that I am not out on the interstate with a cardboard sign. You know what though? I see those people getting cash every day. I understand why they do it now.

Maybe I am ungrateful, maybe I need to be happy with whatever I have. I hear you. We brought this upon ourselves. We should have been saving more and spending less. We have now learned our lesson. Bad karma go away.

Send me some good karma!

I love Austin. I like this area of Austin, I love Logan's school, and for the first time I feel at peace with this decision to move.

Semd me karma so that job out there that I will really love will come my way.

Keep Austin Weird

Tomorrow my family and myself will be moving to Austin. We are going to live in the 5th wheel by the lake until things improve. We will finally be on our own, and not living under someone else's roof.

152

The number of resumes I have sent out since the first of August.

One interview, and it wasn't at all what the job posting said it would be.

Rock bottom

LuLu's father signed all the paperwork with the attorney, so we set out on our journey. We left with just what we needed, with everything else in storage. We left with only my final paycheck.

We pulled up in Gonzales, tired, hot with cranky children. My MIL immediatly took the little one, took off all his clothes, and put him in a metal tub of water outside. She then washed him down with water only, pulled him out and pinned a hand towel on him as a diaper. She then took a plastic grocery bag, cut two holes in the bottom, and tied that on him with a piece of rope. She said I was too poor to afford diapers.

I left it on him until he put rings on her couch, then put him in a real diaper.

The next day, I found out her septic system was not big enough to support all of us, therefore, we could only bathe once a week, IN THE SAME WATER, and then we were supposed to wash our clothes in that water before we used it to water the plants.

Not to mention, there was no air conditioner and it was 107. Outside. It was cooler outside.

I really love my MIL, but could see some resentment popping up, which I do not want.

My husband was telling all of this to a really good friend of ours. He then invited us to his home in an area outside of Houston. We left that night.

So, to make a long story short, we are basically homeless and unemployed. There is no more money coming in until one of us finds work. We have only been here less than a week, but we have been trying. Our friends are wonderful to take in a whole family of four, but we cannot take advantage of their hospitality.

We have hit rock bottom.

"When were you going to tell me aboout Texas?"

Still no work in Colorado. It has been since March. Nothing, nada, zilch. All of our options are exhausted, except one.

We did some research and made a few calls. The rig count in Texas is up, people are working. The Old Man left again, only to look for work.

We discussed the option of moving back yet again. It seems this conversation always pops up, especially in times of great stress. I called a few attorneys discussing the child relocation laws for Colorado.

When I brought this subject up to my oldest daughter, she immediatly felt as though if I went, I would be abandoning her and her daughters. We didn't know for sure yet if we were going, so I just dropped the subject.

Logan told her father what we wanted to do. He told her if she really wanted to go, he wouldn't fight it.

Her father and I are meeting with my attorney on Friday to sign all the papers.

I still had not told Ashley or Zach about these plans. I have already been told that Ashley told her father that if I left, she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I didnt' want to say anything at all until everything was signed and filed.

I wanted to be sure so I could brace myself for the fall out.

I feel bad that I will be leaving the state where my two grown children live. I wish we could afford to stay here, but truth be told, we can't. I know it is usually the children who grow up and move away, not the parents. I keep wondering what my kids would do if they were in the same situation?

This is so bittersweet for me.

Now, their father has told them before I could. I again, look like shit because I was trying to do the right thing, at the right time, in the right place.